Christian author email beliefs that bore to the core
“Bore” in both senses: boring (especially) and going below the surface (beliefs implied by the action)
So, I have analyzed easily a couple hundred Christian author email funnels.
Here is what the majority believe:
Most Christian authors believe “free updates” is a good offer.
Nobody wants updates except your mom. Not even ministry donors want updates, unless one is your mom. Even if you have a software, no one cares about the update email, unless your mom is a power user.
Most Christan authors believe that their potential subscribers are in desperate need of anger management
“I promise m’lord. No more than one email every new moon willst bestoweth thine inbox.” What is the offer here? That I won’t be the reason you make them squeeze beanie babies until their eyes pop out? Who signs up for an email list to hopefully never get an email?
Most Christian authors think the footer is a great place to put an email signup form.
If your email marketing your wicked step-child, then the dank basement is the perfect place for your sign-up form. Sadly, most of Christian author email funnels are better off left on the doorstep of an orphanage.
Most Christian authors believe the sign-up process should be a “Department of Motor Vehicles” experience
You new subscriber hits the “submit” button and they submit themselves to soul-sucking boredom. A tiny green box with “Thanks for signing up!” materializes to save the day. Notice the exclamation point! They must really be trying to get me excited.
More confusing (and disappointing) is when the page redirects to the home page which essentially means “Game over. Start again.” Do I need to try again?
Most Christian authors think dead silence is a great way to welcome a new subscriber.
I immediately check my inbox after signing up for a newsletter. But even if their tiny green message exclaims “Check your inbox!” rarely do I see a welcome email. Sometimes there is a boiler plate email from MailMonkey. In the end, I will have been glad that I used my trash Gmail account to sign up for the newsletter.
Want to go deeper.
I wrote a free 5 day email course a while back. Be warned. You will need a good 30 mintutes to go through it. Some of it may be a little outdated. But it will give you almost everything you need to create your own email course:
https://claude.ai/artifact/Y5fii8nF4vk6cHCgW2Dnm7
Blair
P.S. I am pretty ranty this week. Forgive me.